


Instant Gratification

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Points of View, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-18
Updated: 2006-10-18
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian thinks about the rules. --July 4, 2002





	Instant Gratification

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It's all my fault.

I did this. I knew that if I wanted something, I couldn't keep it. I mean, it's one thing to want a suit or a car, but it's something else to want something big. Something you maybe have to wait for.

The longer you wait, the more time they have to take it away.

I never want anything that I can't go and get right now. Some people do research on their purchases, well, that's not me. I know what I want and I get it right away. The odds of something intervening on a trip to the mall are slim.

So really, this is my fuck-up. I should have known that the second I started wanting something big and complicated, that there were already plans to get it away from me. I don't really believe in that fate shit, but there's a proven track record here.

I know how to deliver the goods. I do it fast and I do it right the first time, because if I need to take time with something, it always gets fucked up. Never fucking anybody twice is part of that, really. In and out and on to the next before anyone has even noticed what you're doing.

Less time to have my stuff taken away.

This is what I get for breaking the rules. The rules are there for a reason, and I shouldn't have fucked with them. Don't want things, they'll get taken away. Don't need things, or you'll have to go without. If it can't be bought, it can't be had.

I pay for sex sometimes. I don't have to, but I do. It reinforces the idea that I'm making a purchase, taking my purchase home for its intended use. I don't need to get tangled up in someone else's drama. Hustlers know where it's at. A nice dinner, a night in an expensive hotel, and they'll do things you'd be ashamed to ask for. Or, that anyone else would be ashamed to ask for. I demand. They know where the door is.

Never wanted to wake up and feel this alone. I've always been alone, but never lonely. There's an emptiness there now that a thousand tricks can't fill, but I'll sure as hell try. How does the song go? Want you, need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you...sounds about right. If wanting him fucked me up this bad, imagine how I'd feel if I loved him.

All the things I love are taken away.

It's all my fault.


End file.
